I’ve been a fervent Joe Biden fan for most of my adult life. How do you not love a guy who blurts out stuff like: “This is a big fucking deal” into a hot mic? I even cheered with guilty pleasure when he said he wanted to take Donald Trump “behind the gym and beat the hell out of him”. In a world of buttoned-down, circumspect politicians guided by focus groups, Biden has forever been one of a kind. But please, Joe, don’t run for president.
I don’t say this because of the seven women (at last count) who have complained that he invaded their personal space by hair smelling, nose rubbing, head kissing, shoulder squeezing or prolonged hugging. I say it because his most endearing quality – being himself – is out of sync with an evolving and younger world around him.
As a 69-year-old retiree who had to turn to Google for a definition of the word “woke”, I feel his pain. Yet, one of life’s most important choices is when to leave the party. Particularly after the past few days, now seems like the time for Joe to call it a night. He can flash that disarming trademark smile, take his bows, and lend his considerable wisdom to the diverse and growing cast of Democratic candidates seeking the one office that has forever eluded him.
Because of my affection for the guy, I initially vacillated on the question of whether he should run as the women’s stories began to emerge last weekend. The media frenzy – both social and mainstream – didn’t help. As each woman complaining about Biden’s touchy-feely behavior stressed, this wasn’t about sexual assault or harassment. Many news stories, however, failed to make that clear, as they trotted out #MeToo background references to men who were accused of assaultive or harassing behavior. Even the esteemed Washington Post, in its Tuesday print edition, ran a cutline saying “Bidden denied sexual misconduct charges”.
So much of the response to this story has been predictably hyperbolic and tribal. Fox News has had a field day with “Creepy Uncle Joe” stories. The other side has questioned the political motives behind the accusations. Social media has been inundated with variations on the social construct that Biden’s hair kissing is de minimis compared with Trump’s pussy grabbing, an assertion that is at once factually correct and a lousy basis for selecting a president.
Finally, after several days of insisting he never acted inappropriately and had no intentions of causing discomfort, Biden issued a video statement yesterday that was filled with his charismatic charm and empathy, along with a promise to change his behavior. He said he recognizes that “social norms (have) shifted, and the boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset, and I get it.”
I watched the video three times, warming to Biden’s embrace of human connection as a vital force in life and in politics. But what really got to me was the fact that he still doesn’t get it. The boundaries of personal space have not changed. What has changed is that women have become more empowered to speak out about men who enter that space without consent. As long as 50 years ago, about the time Biden entered politics, academic researchers put a microscope to tactile communication. They found it to be powerfully constructive if used correctly, but also cautioned that it is far more susceptible to misinterpretation between sender and receiver than verbal or other nonverbal communication. Particularly problematic, they said, is the matter of touch initiated by someone in a position of power over the recipient, as in the case of a professor and a student, or a vice president and a campaign volunteer.
In my career as a union representative, I rarely encountered a female worker who didn’t have at least one story of an overly tactile, Biden-like boss. It wasn’t sexual harassment per se, but the managerial touches left them uncomfortable. Because of the power imbalance, the vast majority opted not to complain. The only thing that has changed over all these decades is that many women are now objecting when they feel their personal space has been violated.
If Joe really got it, yesterday’s statement would have included an apology. With his characteristic authenticity and warmth, he could have said: “It pains me to no end to think that I made some women uncomfortable. Because we are now in a new era where women – thankfully – feel comfortable in telling us when they are uncomfortable, I know now that I crossed a line that I didn’t know existed. I am so sorry. I get it now and I will immediately change my behavior.”
Joe Biden, to use his own terminology, is one hell of a decent guy. But he is of a different era, and it is not easy to adjust to change. That’s why, in a recent speech, he referenced 23 people by name and only three were born since 1961. That’s why, in another appearance, he blasted the “younger generation” for complaining about how tough things are, and then listed all of the accomplishments of his generation. That’s why he told a New York gathering that he regrets that he “couldn’t come up with a way of getting (Anita Hill) the kind of hearing she deserved,” a reference to the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearing he chaired in 1991.
I know well the pain of comprehending that your best years are behind you. Growing old and being – at least a little – out of touch is a natural life rhythm. But it is not a useful predicate for a presidential campaign. The Democratic field for 2020 is packed with unprecedented diversity, in gender, race, age, ethnicity, and sexual orientation, as well as new thinking and ideas. It’s hard to imagine how the enthusiasm in all those constituencies carries over to the general election if the eventual candidate turns out to be an old white guy trying to defend everything he has done since 1972. For the country’s sake, and for Joe’s sake, I hope that doesn’t happen.